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I have been friends with a woman, who has faced and conquered several hardships, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been repeatedly blindsided by people. Her husband left her, and it was a massive blow. Many of her friends drifted away during that time, as they were drawn to her husband. She was stunned by her. She put in more effort to be my friend, probably grasped better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, many of her friends have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job became hostile, even though she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we have each left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding my role in the relationship feels one-sided. I open subjects only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She is organizing a holiday to a country I've visited repeatedly and lived in for a while. I attempted to offer personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She purely just desired me to confirm her choices. I recently returned from four weeks in that place she is eager to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away abruptly, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

You could cut and run, yet this is rarely the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out demands strength and openness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state what typically happens during your discussions. It should be objective and clear and basically exactly what occurs. Next is to express the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no dispute here. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. Step three is to ask how you are both going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Consider that she also has a point of view, meaning you must to be prepared to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

This can be effective in fostering better communication.

Key Takeaways

Your friend could ignore all you say, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a story of their life they won't release as it feels essential is tied to it and it represents they've known. It's tough when there seems no easy route with these people, just dead ends. However, she might at first react this way and then think your perspective. And should a resolution isn't found an agreement, it will give you peace that you've been honest with her.